Wow, do I really have that many journals? Some of them are 3 years old... I am amazed.

And loads of them are dedicated to my depressed and desperate self. I was sad, all the fucking time, and it was for one damn boy. He turned out to be gay, YAAY. Nah, it wasn't love. Love is something I'm experiencing now. That back then was just something that grew up in my mind.

How do I know I'm in love now?
Well, my brain hurts. It sounds stupid, right? But it is true. My brain hurts, because it's trying to fight my heart. These two will never agree, I think. My heart is decided. My heart knows that right now HE is the best boy, the best human being that I could belong to. But my brain is scared, because it never experienced something like this before. My brain tries to TEACH my heart to THINK. But in my humble opinion - my heart is much more stubborn than my brain thinks, so it will never learn.

But my brain will learn one day. Maybe one day it won't be so damn confused and it will co-work with my heart. One day I'm looking forward to that day. So much!

Well, you see? This is my opinion on this world right now. It's much more optimistic. Actually, I am a realist. Optimistic realist.

When it comes to my 'religion'... I used to call myself a wiccan. Actually.... I am wiccan. But not the classical one. Lord and Lady are not my priorities. I worship Mother Nature (or Gaia) in her pure form. I worship her for everything she gave us. She deserves our love, which we are not giving her. I am trying to confess my parents to buy me a new bicycle. We were in our small forest the other day and I found a perfect place for rituals. But it's quite a walk, it would be much faster to go there on bicycle. And I need to rewrite my Book of Shadows (here: [link]). It's not very full of writings, but I bought a new one. Small one, so I can bring it with me. And I need to start a new way of writing, because I really REALLY want my daughter to inherit it.

You see? I was thinking about this as well. I want my daughter to inherit my Book of Shadows. To continue in it. To learn from it. So I need to make it look like some kind of coursebook, but not exactly. You know, it is a sacred book. With spells and stuff. Well, if I won't have a daughter, I will give it to my grand-daughter. Or to my son, but... you know. Boys aren't very interested in witchcraft and wizardry (yeah, Hogwarts, Harry Potter is something completely different ).

Is there anything else I should write about? Hmmm.... There is one picture I am very very proud of. This one: [link] It's me. My photomanip. Wow...

Okay, I'm going now. Important stuff to do (=rewriting the Book). Bye, bitches!